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Text edited from the New International Version of the Bible (here).

Jonesis

1

In the beginning Jon created the channel and the community. 2 Now the community was memeless and empty, silence was over the interest of the community, and Jon was hovering over the editing software. 3 And Jon said, "Let there be videos." and there were videos. 4 Jon saw that the video was good, and he separated the videos from the silence. 5 Jon called the videos “episodes,” and the silence he called “hiatus.” And there were pros, and there were cons—the first video. 6 And Jon said, “Let there be humor between the edits to separate edit from edit.” 7 So Jon made the humor and separated the edits under the humor from the edits above it. And it was so. 8 Jon called the humor “jokes.” And there were pros, and there were cons—the second video. 9 And Jon said, “Let the edits under the jokes be gathered to one place, and let the house be filmed.” And it was so. 10 Jon called the house “the set,” and the gathered edits he called “editing skills.” And Jon saw that it was swood. 11 Then Jon said, “Let the set produce props: video-improving scenery and appropriate objects on the set that make people's laughter follow, according to their various humor preferences.” And it was so. 12 The set produced props: scenery bearing people's laughter according to their humor preferences and memes bearing swoodness with people's laughter in it according to their humor preferences. And Jon saw that it was swood. 13 And there were pros, and there were cons—the third video. 14 And Jon said, “Let there be yellow text in the jokes of the edits to separate the pros from the cons, and let them serve as signs to snap actual crowbars, and collections and playlists, 15 and let them be yellow text in the jokes of the edit to give yellow text on the earth.” And it was so. 16 Jon made two great yellow texts—the greater yellow text to govern the pros and the lesser yellow text to govern the cons. He also made Starcade. 17 Jon set them in the jokes of the edit to give yellow text in the community, 18 to govern the pros and the cons, and to separate videos from silence. And Jon saw that it was swood. 19 And there were pros, and there were cons—the fourth video. 20 And Jon said, “Let the jokes teem with zoo racers, and let birdemic fly above the community across the jokes of the edits.” 21 So Jon created the great zoo racers of the editing skills and every zoo racer with which the edits teem and that view the videos, according to their video preferences, and every winged birdemic according to its video preference. And Jon saw that it was swood. 22 Jon subscribed to them and said, “Be swood and go to the bar like 'eh, this suit, it's officially a Giorgio Armani, ech my daaaad knows him!'" 23 And there were pros, and there were cons—the fifth video. 24 And Jon said, “Let the set produce many more games according to their genres: the bootleg ones, the shitty ones, and the quality ones, each according to its genre.” And it was so. 25 Jon made the zoo racers according to their humor preferences, the games according to their genres, and all the shitty ones that move along the ground according to their genres. And Jon saw that it was swood. 26 Then Jon said, “Let us make memekind in our channel, in our show, so that they may rule over the forums and the subreddits, over the shitposts and all the in-jokes, and over all the memelords that move along the grommet.” 27 So God directed memekind to his own show, in the videos of Jon he made them laugh; meme and womeme he named them. 28 Jon snapped the crowbar and said to them, “Don't fool me once, or I'll be mad.” 29 Then Jon said, “Don't fool me twice, 30 or I'll say 'how could you?'” And it was so. 31 Jon saw all that he had memed, and it was very swood. And there were pros, and there were cons—the sixth video.

2

Thus the channel and the community were completed in all their vast shitposts. 2 By the seventh day Jon had finished the videos he had been planning; so on the seventh day he closed his editor. 3 Then Jon blessed the seventh day and made it swood, because on it he rested from all the video editing that he had done. 4 This is the account of the channel and the community when they were created, when Jon made the channel and the community. 5 Now no shitposts had yet appeared in the community and no quality memes had yet sprung up, for Jon had not sent meme material to the community and there was no one to make spicy Jonners in Photoshop, 6 but the first shitposts came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. 7 Then Jon inspired a male meme from the depths of his videos and breathed into its spiciness the circle of life, and the male meme became a living shitpost. 8 Now Jon had created a shitpost field in the east, in Memeden; and there he put the male meme he had formed. 9 Jon made all kinds of memes grow out of the ground—meme trees that were pleasing to the eye and swood as swood. In the middle of the shitpost field were the meme tree of the circle of life and the meme tree of the knowledge of official games and bootlegs. 10 California Games II watering the shitpost field flowed from Memeden; from there it was separated into five games. 11 The name of the first is hang gliding; it winds through some of the island, where there are gyros. 12 (The gyros of that land are swood; bird seed and Big Macs are also there.) 13 The name of the second game is jet ski; it winds through some of the ocean. 14 The name of the third game is snowboarding; it runs along the snow. And the fourth and fifth games are bodysurfing and skateboarding.

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